What's the point of success if you don't do anything with it?
I was on Peta O'Brien-Day's The Soap Box podcast recently, and honestly, it was one of those conversations that left me buzzing for days. You know when someone asks you a question and suddenly everything you've been thinking about for years becomes clearer? That's what happened.
Peta asked me what gets me fired up, what makes me rant - and I said: I'm tired of watching people with everything do nothing, while people with nothing give everything.
Doing good and doing well - the imbalance I see everywhere
Before becoming a coach, I spent over twenty years working on the ground in not-for-profit work and what I've witnessed over and over is people who have very little often giving absolutely everything.
They're driven by something bigger than themselves. They work ridiculous hours for very little financial reward. They sacrifice their financial wellbeing, their emotional wellbeing, sometimes their families. They write long and arduous funding applications for not a lot. Then they lie awake at night wondering ‘am I actually making any difference here?'
Meanwhile, I see people with overflowing bank accounts, extensive networks, creative thinking, entrepreneurial skills, time, privilege, social and cultural capital and they're doing f*** all with it.
They might write a check to charity once a year. They might talk about 'giving back' at some unclear point in the future.
You need to stop believing that you'll do it later
There's this narrative in the coaching world (well, everywhere really) that says you need to make lots of money first, THEN you can make a positive impact. The idea is that you become financially successful and eventually you'll be able to 'give back.'
But I think that's a load of BS.
It's pretty convenient because it means you never actually have to do anything right now. You can keep building your comfortable life while the world burns, telling yourself that one day, when you hit some arbitrary financial target, THEN you'll care about something else.
But here's what I think happens. You get comfortable and you get used to a certain lifestyle. Your peer group values certain things like the car you drive, the house you live in and the holidays you take. And the thought of disrupting any of that, of potentially sacrificing even a small bit of your security or status becomes terrifying.
So you don't do it.
What 'good' are we even talking about?
And another thing (remember this was a podcast inviting me to get on my soapbox!) not all 'doing good' is actually good. If you are talking about 'making an impact' have you checked that the people you are impacting actually want to be impacted?
If you're doing or thinking about doing good, ask yourself:
Whose good is this?
Is this what people really want and need or is it what makes ME feel good about myself?
Have I asked the people I want to 'help' what they actually need?
Am I collaborating with people or doing things to them?
The Martyr Mindset - when doing good becomes self-destructive
I'm going to turn this around for a second because the people doing good aren't blameless either.
There's this martyr mindset (hands up, I used to be like this) that pervades social purpose work. The idea that you must sacrifice everything to prove you care. That if you're not completely burnt out, not struggling financially, not putting yourself last in every situation, then you're not really committed.
It's nonsense.
And it's counterproductive because when you're depleted, you can't do your best work. When you make it look miserable, fewer people want to join you. When you're stretched impossibly thin, you can't focus on what matters.
As Oliver Burkeman writes in Four Thousand Weeks, we must let go of the fantasy that we can do everything, be everywhere, solve all the problems. Better to focus on the few things that count.
But letting go of the martyr complex doesn't mean letting go of the work. It means doing it more effectively. It means putting yourself in the picture so you can sustain the work long-term. It means questioning whether the 4776 things on your to-do list are moving the needle or just making you feel busy.
How to do better when doing good
If you're someone doing good but not doing well, here's something that might be hard to hear - you cannot pour from an empty cup and pretending you can is not noble, it's not a great strategy.
Get therapy. Get supervision. Get coaching. Figure out which bits of the overwhelm are about the broken system and which bits are about your own people-pleasing, boundary-less patterns that only you can change.
What is the ONE thing you're actually trying to change in the world? Not the seventeen things. The one thing. What can you control? What are you already doing brilliantly?
And please, stop treating self-care like it's selfish (how many times have I heard that?)
Taking care of yourself isn't a luxury, it's a prerequisite for sustainable impact.
How you can use your resources for social impact
If you've built a successful career or business, if you have resources including money, time, skills, connections, privilege and you feel even the slightest pull in your chest that maybe you could be doing more, please listen to that feeling.
Don't dismiss it. Don't postpone it. Don't rationalise it away.
That feeling is telling you something.
You don't have to blow up your life. You don't have to quit your job and move to a commune (though if that's your calling, go for it).
But you do have to do something.
What could that something look like?
Money:
Set up regular donations to causes you care about (and to get to know the organisation)
Work with a philanthropist advisor
Or connect with a local community foundation who know how to distribute resources effectively
Time:
Join a board and become a trustee
Volunteer for a local organisation
Mentor others
Skills:
That entrepreneurial thinking that built your business? Apply it to a social problem
That tenacity that got you through hard times? Use it to advocate for policy change
Those problem-solving skills? Offer them to organisations that desperately need them
Privilege:
Open doors for people who don't have access
Use your platform to amplify voices that aren't being heard
Question the systems that gave you advantages and work to change them - maybe start within your own organisation.
Finding your purpose: a coaching exercise for meaning and impact
Here's what I ask people in my coaching sessions and workshops, and I'm going to ask you now:
Imagine you're at your retirement party. Or your deathbed, if you want to get really existential about it (I do).
What do you want to be able to say you did? What needle do you want to say you helped move? What impact do you want to be remembered for?
If this happened tomorrow, would what you say be enough?
If the answer is no, if there's something else pulling at you, then you already know what you need to do.
What stops people from aligning their success with their values?
I know what holds people back. I've heard all the reasons:
I need to focus on my family and security
I don't know where to start
What if I get it wrong?
What if I sacrifice my lifestyle and it doesn't make a difference?
My peer group doesn't do this kind of thing
These are real fears. I'm not dismissing them.
But they're also, often, excuses.
If you've built something successful, you already have everything you need to make a difference. You have the skills, the drive, the resilience, the strategic thinking. You just need to point them in a different direction.
And yes, it might be uncomfortable. It might challenge your sense of who you are and where you belong. It might mean difficult conversations with your partner about money or your peer group about priorities.
But the alternative is getting to the end of your life and realising you had the resources to change things and you just... didn't.
Leadership coaching that challenges you to do more
I'm not here to make you feel comfortable about your choices.
I'm here to tell you that if you have resources and you're not using them to make the world better, you're part of the problem. Not because you're a bad person, but because you're choosing comfort over contribution.
The world is full of people working themselves into the ground trying to solve problems they didn't create, with resources they don't have. And it's full of people with abundant resources watching from the sidelines, occasionally tossing a coin and feeling good about themselves.
We need those two groups to connect and collaborate. To bring resources and passion together in ways that create real, sustainable change.
I believe coaching can change the world. Not the 'manifest your dreams' Instagram kind of coaching, but the kind that helps people listen more than they talk, that helps people help themselves, that challenges comfortable assumptions and asks hard questions.
I believe in leadership that's about service, not ego. Leadership that's lowercase and accessible, not reserved for people with titles.
And I believe we don't have time to waste waiting for the 'right moment' to start giving a shit.
So, where do you stand and what do you stand for?
If you've read this far and you're nodding along, feeling that pull in your chest, that's your moment. Don't let it pass.
And if you've read this far and you're thinking, 'This isn't for me,' then you're probably right. We're looking for different things.
But if you're ready to have an honest conversation about what you really want your life to mean, about how to match your resources to your values, about how to do good AND do well, I'm here to help you figure out what the hell you're actually going to do about that feeling in your chest.