laura’s story

I really love it when I receive a reply in my inbox from someone who has read my newsletter.

A few weeks ago, I received a beautiful reply from Laura Holland, about her transition back into employment after 30 years of freelance work. I asked Laura to write a blog about her experience, and here's what she had to say:

I was born in 1961- got a very good education (by accident we moved somewhere which still had grammar schools). The education was a bit of a mixed blessing though- I was pushed academically and had to drop all the creative subjects which I loved.

I went to university ( the first in my family to do so) I came out with an arts degree in 1983- there was no work of any kind, no one was interested in my degree- my dream job, as a researcher at the BBC I applied but there were nearly 3000 applications for 2 jobs.

I took the first job which would support a mortgage- I worked in the City for 8 years, but slowly your creativity and your soul dies.

I had a watershed moment, and decided to leave take some of the money I had made and went to the London College of Fashion to learn how to make costumes for stage and screen.

I was successful and had a twenty seven year career making costumes on a freelance basis for London theatre and opera.

Money got tighter and tighter in costume departments and I got less and less work, I tried pivoting and making clothes for private clients- but no one really wanted to pay for bespoke clothing. I made wedding dresses for wedding dress designers (I couldn't do it directly for brides- too many emotions.)

Unfortunately at the same time menopause hit me really hard, I was expecting physical symptoms but was completely unprepared for the insomnia (I slept around 2-3 hours a night for nearly 2 years) and for the crippling anxiety and indecision.

I tried going to the doctors but the prescription she gave me made me like a zombie and I was nearly run over by a lorry. I decided I couldn't risk medication and slowly the sleep deprivation and anxiety spiralled deeper and deeper until I really had no idea who I was or why I was even bothering to carry on.

I went through the motions- got up got dressed shopped cooked, tried unsuccessfully to sleep for around 3 years.

Slowly I started to sleep a little longer and I felt less like a shadow- but still very compromised.

The first lockdown came and slowly I emerged from the hell I'd been living, every day I felt a little more like myself.

Whilst I was depressed my partner had retired, and I had decided I probably wouldn't be able to work again.

I continued to feel better and better, so I started to think I should start a business making sustainable clothes for private clients.

I did lots of research and a year of Zoom workshops about branding, marketing, social media and accounting.

I also did a great deal of research about sustainability, the circular economy and fast fashion. I slowly became convinced that the last thing that is needed is yet another brand making clothes. I pitched for money to run make do and mend workshops locally- which worked very well, but really isn't sustainable because of the huge amount of fundraising work required.

I knew if I had a brand I would be taken away from making things by all the business things I had to do- posting on social media, promotion customer care and so on, and if I ran workshops I would spend most of my time fundraising and doing paperwork- so I decided to take a job in a workroom locally.

The work is not the most creative- alterations on wedding dresses. 

It's easy work for someone with my experience, they agreed to part time and it is the first ever job I have had with walking distance of home!

The experience was a little scary- I had not worked in a workroom for nearly 30 years, I had worked freelance from home, dictating my own hours and working conditions.

Surprisingly I found the transition very easy, and having a workplace and colleagues again after so long is quite fun.

I found the workplace has changed a little since I was last there , workers have fewer "rights" but far more leverage than I remember.

What I would say to those in a similar situation, needing to make a change- really focus on what you love about what you do and absolutely insist the role you take, or create for yourself consists of a day with at least 75% of your time being spent on the work you love, accept nothing less, do not let yourself be channelled into a role which cannot make you happy. 

The other thing you really need to be honest with yourself concerning, is money- how important is it to you, and what is the easiest way to satisfy your need for funds, also your need for status will you be happy shifting away from owning your own business, or that high flyer role?

If I had floated my business my role would have been at least 50% business and therefore not enough creativity to keep me happy.  

The workshops would be better for the world, but still would be at least 50% fundraising and paperwork, so again could not keep me happy.

My new role is not ideal- because it is not really creative enough, but I can pursue the more creative aspect of my calling through volunteering at local groups, and the occasional private commission.

It also provides a necessary core income which would not be guaranteed through the other two routes, also it is part time allowing me time to pursue my interests outside of work.

I am not interested in impressing anyone so I am unconcerned in the downshift from costume making to alterations-but that could be a concern for many.

I have a balance of creativity and practically in my new roles which will potentially keep me happy for some years- I won't say until retirement, because none of us knows what the future holds,  new opportunities may become available in future, meaning more change will be beneficial- my experience has taught me to be flexible concerning potential change.

thank you so much for sharing your story, laura.

do you have a story that you'd like to share on the blog? What change have you made? What lessons have you learnt?

We'd love to hear from you. send me a message and we can have a chat.

*Photo kindly provided by Laura.