can i pick your brains?

I was chatting to some friends of mine at the weekend and we got onto the topic of when people contact you to ask if they can 'pick your brains'. A few of us have been in the arts/charity sector for a loooong time and are very used to this situation. I have definitely been guilty of asking that in the past and I'm not saying that it should be totally off limits but I do think it's worth taking stock and making a plan.

We often give so much away, often to funded organisations and this can make you feel resentful, not least because it often doesn't feel like a fair exchange. It feels tricky when bigger organisations ask: there could be some future work or you don't want to sound greedy and difficult). Or when it's a friend (or a friend of a friend): it’s hard to say no, we feel obligated and as humans we generally want people to like us.

But what might the story - of always saying, “yes of course, no problem” - actually be saying:

I'm here for you to pick my brains. Take what you need. Deplete my time and energy.Yes, I'm experienced but you don't need to contribute to my business or even wellbeing for that matter, I'm happy to share everything I have for free, for as long as you need it. Why not come and live in my house too and I'll feed you and clothe you and...okay I'm bring flippant now but do you get my point?

And of course, often people are very grateful and appreciative. So it feels good. Thank yous are nice and they're not going to bring in the cash.

So, what can you do about it and how can you do it in a way that feels aligned to your values (I'm guessing they're in the cooperation-collaboration-helping-build-community-type-ballpark).

The first thing is to understand your freelance business - what are you there to do? What's your vision and what impact do you want to make?

Once you have clarity around that, it's easier to learn what to say yes and what to say no to. You can ask yourself, is this request of me going to help what I want to achieve? If it feels like a meaningful, impactful way to fulfil your vision, then it might be a yes. If it’s a distraction and only meeting the agenda of someone else, maybe it’s a no.

The second thing is to know your numbers. Are you bringing in enough cash? Are you being paid and your financial wellbeing is not being harmed? Is your business financially sustainable?

Once you know this, you can work out whether you can afford to let people pick your brains for free and if it’s helping - or actually harming - your business.

The third step is to know your boundaries and what you're willing to offer and not offer. Writing that down and understanding where you want to draw the line will help you when the pickers come knocking at the door. Be intentional about it. Maybe you're willing to offer 'pick your brain' sessions in exchange for something else (although remember that “something else” doesn't bring in cash flow and make your business sustainable) or perhaps you'll happily meet other freelancers but if an organisation is funded, then you'll expect payment.

And if you decide that you want to stop offering your time, knowledge and energy for free (at least until you feel more stable), here's some examples of what you can say:

Thanks for getting in touch. I'd love to help you if I can.

As you know I'm/we are a freelancer/small charity and as much as we'd love to help everyone, unfortunately this isn't possible. What we/I offer is this: a 15 minute chat on the phone/zoom so I can get an understanding of what you need help with. If I can help you in that 15 minutes, I will and at the end of the call, I'll let you know if/how I can help further. If I can help, I'll suggest we book a longer time slot together. To support my business / the charity to be sustainable and make impact we do charge for that time at £X per hour.

or

Thanks for getting in touch. I'd love to help you. I no longer offer my time for free so I'd like to be upfront and let you know my fee is £X per hour. Let me know if this sounds okay to you and we can book in a meeting.

I know (I really know!) that this might feel icky. I'm also not saying we can't be generous and helpful and kind: of course we don't want to lose that part of us. However, I'd invite you to think about all that free labour and what it's costing you and your business. If you're always looking for ways to bring in more money because the work feels unsustainable, maybe you're giving too much away for free.

And one more thing - if you are often the person asking to pick a freelancers brain, please consider what this costs them. Take a look at your budget and pay them for their time. Notice where the power dynamics might be playing a part (in people feeling unable to say no for example) and please be fair.  

If you’d like support on getting clarity around your vision and building a financially sustainable business that has impact, I can send you a 12 minute video outlining my Lasting Impact programme for freelancers. Contact me here